Birthday

This was the first birthday in a long time that I didn't go camping.  Instead Mom came up and we had lunch and ate Bonnie Bells cupcakes at the Arboretum.  We went to the mall, I got a haircut.  It wasn't even bad enough to be fun, it was just, "meh."

This morning I got up early and was sad, and nervous, and just plain unhappy.  So I went to the woods.  Cooper's Rock was not full of crowds yet, and I picked a trail I had explored once or twice before.  It took me about half an hour to find the end and make it back to my car, so I decided to go back down it and check out another branch I'd seen but not taken the first time.

I met a pair of hikers coming towards me, and we traded info.  They said they'd come from the reservoir, and I told them I'd come from the old campground/picnic loop.  We met up again about an hour later on the Roadside Trail as we headed back to our cars.

I walked to burn through all this stress I have been carrying around.  It worked a little bit.  Every little bit helps! My butt is sore, I think I covered 7 or 8 miles today! But now I am back home in this cluttered but empty house, and the creeping sadness and fear return.  I feel very lonely, very disconnected.  Just the birthday blues, I guess, on top of the struggle to figure out who I am and what I am going to do with the rest of my life.

I think I'll go to Target and buy a yoga mat with my birthday money.  I hear that practice can help.