Sunday, June 14, 2009

When your mouth writes checks your butt can't cash...

Last night over the D&D table I made a proclamation. I told the guys that in 9 months I would look like Sarah Connor from Terminator II. I have been thinking about it for quite some time, but now that I've said it, I figure I have to do it. And now I'm saying it to y'all too, so you can either offer helpful fitness suggestions or offer powdered doughnuts and mockery. Whichever works to make you feel better about yourself.

My goal is not to loose weight, exactly. I took an online assessment of my BMI and it seems to be in the healthy range. No, my goal is to have arms that look like this:
The machine gun, I don't care so much about, but the arms... That is what I am going for. And a set of 6-pack abs would also be nice.

The plan is to do this without spending much money. (NOT joining a gym, NOT paying for classes, NOT buying an exercise ball/set of pilates bands/any system of videos for 3 easy payments of $29.96) I already have a chin-up bar in my house, and I think I am going to get one for work too. Somewhere between here and Mom's house are a set of 3-5 lb handweights which I will use if I can find them, otherwise I have a steady supply of milk jugs and kitty litter bins what can be filled with water/kitty litter/bricks/whatever. Think I am going to need to buy a jumprope and possibly a new pair of shoes, as my hikers are not particularly suited to high impact aerobics. Keith says the Bruce Lee method is a good place to start - unfortunately someone stole his copy of the book so I think we're gonna have to buy that too.

Anyone ever tried to become a super badass before? How did you do it? Do you have any suggestions? What are your favorite exercises?

I'm starting with chinups and pushups, and guess what? I can currently do 1 (one) underhanded chin up and 0 (zero) overhand chin up. I cannot do a push up at all. So I'm going to work on this a little every day and keep you all posted!


Anonymous said...

Susan Powder on line?
They took off Jeannie Kalugio (The Dr.s' wife) from our noon tv - or she could help you. She's probably 9o now... bit fit as a fiddle. I have water weights...I'll share with you.
And I must have old Sweatin to the oldies video around here some where (even tho your goal is fit not flab, dancing is fun, and music is fun,...)
Yo Mamma

LadyElmo said...

John, currently in the process of becoming "badass," and me, shedding my mama flab for "MamaFab!" give these tips:

1. Up your PROTEIN intake. You need to consume .8 to 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight in order to fuel your muscles. Not only is it the stuff they are made of but it ramps up your metabolism.
2. Lift heavy weights. Do shorter reps with heavy weights. Pull up are awesome. Push up are great. (Start with a weight you can curl no more than 12 times.)
3. Read (John says "They have a lot of chicks on there, and they're not gross.")

I can't vouch for the last one, but you get the picture.

**Also, if you find a good way to get rid of that stretchy baby belly, let me know.

Good luck!! I look forward to your progress.

LadyElmo said...

Oh, not that YOU have a stretchy baby belly - not at all... that'd be ME needing the help....

Heidi Ho said...

I recommend Yoga!. You can watch/record one of those yoga programs. I especially like the planks. They help you build your muscles so you can do a push up eventually! I can do almost ten. I, however, have NEVER been able to do a pull up. I also recommend the website
It has a feature where you enter your food and it tells you the amount of protein, carbs, and fat you eat. That could help with Trisha's suggestion of more protein.
Now, take this advice for what it is.... No one in my family loses weight/gets fit easily. I joined a Mommy and me walking group and have been doing yoga and have lost very little weight as a result. I took the last week off and gained 5 lbs.

Good luck! You are my hero!!! Those arms rock!

Emma said...

I would love suggestions for yucky c-section baby belly. I have a bunch of DVD's that you are welcome to ahem.... copy..., I mean borrow. Walking/running helps build endurance that will help your body burn fat and be leaner. Now if I could only get my bottom off of the couch to do that... it'd be awesome! Good luck!

Serafina said...

Mom, I don't have a videotape player anymore, but I bet I could watch Richard Simmons on You Tube...

Trisha, I knew your honey would have some good ideas! I don't really like the idea of eating more protein (aka MEAT), does tofu count? Does that powdered mix stuff taste OK?

Heidi, it is really cool that you can do push-ups, I have always been awful at them, even back when I could pull 10 chin-ups no problem (when I was pregnant, no less!). I checked out Caloriecounter and it looks really helpful, and way cheaper than the software I had been looking at pirating, uh I mean buying.

Emma, I like the idea of running, but with Delia we pretty much walk. Unless I got up an hour earlier and ran before work... not likely with my 4:45 wakeup as it is... I also have Carmen Electra's Striptease aerobics DVD, we can trade!

And thank you guys for all your good ideas and support! You ladies ROCK!

LadyElmo said...

Meat (Chicken, fish, beef, eggs) is somewhat necessary - Whey protein is absolutely necessary. (No Tofu does not count.)

As for powder, GNC brand is cheap - like $20 for a month's worth. John recommends the chocolate. You can mix it with peanut butter.

I, as I said before, know nothing of this... other than what he tells me and what he sometimes makes me to drink.

He says you can talk to him about it anytime. The stuff he is doing now is actually working. (He said to tell you that and... "it's hard to take advice from someone who's fat." His words, not mine. He's well on his way now. and he's always been STRONG.)

Did you take any photos? Like "Before" photos... or measurements of your arms? Body weight is less important in this task. Measurements are key.

Melita said...

i also second the yoga recommendation. i have been doing yoga everyday for some time now and i can definitely notice a difference in my arms. i know you said you weren't going to purchase anything but if you look into p90x it will literally kick your ass!! maybe you could find it somewhere to download on the internet. just a thought. good luck. can't wait to see your results.