Monday, October 26, 2009

When October Goes

I heard Garrison say in the news from Lake Wobegone that "October is for breaking your heart." And so it is that my heart is broken, and it happens to be October.

Harley has been gone for a while. Thank you to all of our friends who looked for him and who sent us kind words and support.

I don't really know what I am supposed to do with myself, my grief, when there is no way to resolve the situation. It must be like what people feel when loved ones go missing in action or just disappear. But this is different, because Harley is a critter, and an old critter at that. I am trying to think of it more like when Ambrose Bierce walked down into Mexico and was never heard from again. A mystery is better there than grief.

The truth is, my heart is broken. Saying that he's dead feels like a betrayal of hope, but hope here is just a barrier between my heart and healing. I can't stay in this place where I cry every time I see another cat. Two sweet and good cats still live with us, and they continue to bring joy and light to our lives. We're loving on them so much harder now, but I think they can take it.

Maybe Harley will come back on Halloween and tell me goodbye.

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